we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
