i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
