You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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