I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
