Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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