Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
