Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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