I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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