I haven't been this sober since birth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last night I used snow as a chaser
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
