I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
