I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
