Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
