Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ugly people sure do ruin things
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
