I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
