And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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