So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
