yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
