My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
