He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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