The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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