Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
