Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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