I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
