rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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