as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
