Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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