wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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