You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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