my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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