I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do vagina's smell?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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