There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
