I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
