so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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