cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
