As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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