just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
