i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
