Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
