SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
