i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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