On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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