I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's blow job season.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize