The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
