It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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