How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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