so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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