My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
