Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
