apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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