For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
