yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
