dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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