90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
