he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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